If I were able to go about life following only the paths that were most clear and least dramatic, that's probably where I would be right now, because all I'd ever wanted was to be accepted. Even as a little girl I was controversial without meaning to be. Shadow things, empathy, and clairvoyance were so common to me that I had trouble understanding why other people laughed and avoided me. My parents always tried to keep me on a path where they considered me to be safe. I remember often being told what not to say, where to not go, what to not read, who to avoid, and what to not do. I wanted to make my parents happy and proud of me and I wanted to be accepted by the general populace, but by doing so I was hiding who I was deep inside myself.
You may be wondering what changed, and to be truthful so am I. I can't really remember what it was exactly, and I'm pretty sure there was no specific moment that caused me to stop being faithful to everyone but myself, but I do remember coming to a point where I just started feeling tired. I can only compare it to walking up a hill, and maybe my whole life the hill hadn't bothered me but I was fooling myself to think that I wouldn't become exhausted. So, I gave up. I turned around and found my own way even though a lot of people aren't alright with that and I'm made fun of both to my face and behind my back frequently for my believes. For anyone who reads this, please understand that it's not okay to make fun of people like me for our believes, you have no idea how much it hurts especially since a lot of it is involuntary. I don't make fun of someone's skin colour just because it's darker than mine, and I don't mock them for the fact that they don't get burnt in the summer just because I've never experienced that. What ever happened to the grade school lesson about not making fun of something or someone you don't understand?
Anyways, by high school I was fully aware of my "non-mainstream" qualities. It was exactly these "non-mainstream" qualities that lead me to paganism and it was through paganism that I learned what it meant to be a "witch". There are a lot of different names for being a "witch", I prefer energy sensitive, and occasionally for funzzies I call myself a "witch". For me, energy sensitive means sensitive not only to obvious environmental factors like light, sound, and scents that give off energy but also energy given off by people and objects, for example anger, love, fear, health, femininity, joy and distrust. I haven't met many people like myself but there's one thing that I find to always be true: "A witch knows a witch when they see one".
I didn't realize till later that my unexplainable talent at cooking was only explainable through energy sensitivity. For instance, I've never set a timer while baking because I've always simply known when it was done.
I use to feel regret when anything magickal happened in my life, because I didn't want my parents to look down on me or feel the need to ignore any aspect of my life. I still want my parents, as well as the general populace although I care much less about them, to accept me for who I am, energy sensitivity and all, but I doubt that will happen. I suppose I've come to that point in life that every "witch" raised by nonsensitive parents has to come to and that is accepting who I am with the knowledge that I will always be scorned, mocked, and ignored for being just who I was born to be. I'm choosing to be who I am despite the people who are willing to do this, even if those people are my friends and family.
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